Change Shake – Jamie starts a new school…

Shake. Shake. Shake.. I feel my every single essence of my being shake. Why are we shaking with dread? Why are we both panicking over that shaking feeling and why do we not turn it into excitement? Because of our passed experiences. Because we have reason to believe that what people say isn’t really what they mean. That we have only our own experience to really trust and that tells us that this feeling is bad, bad, bad. We know this to be true. Our map tells us that when we went to this place before things did not end well – ergo this situation will also, based on what happened last time, be bad also. Shake. Shake. shake. turning to a shiver of dread. Fear and dread because we know. Even though people tell us it will be different this time – that everything will be okay. The shake has a much more powerful influence on our being than any words spoken by fake smiles and empty gestures – especially being able to feel that they too! Are SHAKING! They also only have their own experiences to go by and the last time we were put in the same situation – it went horribly wrong. They – those around us know us best. They told us not to worry and then it went wrong. It did go wrong. Never trusting them again!

Never ever trust anyone else. Keep yourself to yourself and never get too close to people. Don’t tell them too much about you.

Fear.

Fear that something will taste bad because that one time I did trust her because she said it was lovely – and it turned out to be disgusting! I’m not doing that again! I’ll stick with what I know from now on. All other things are disgusting – I know because I’ve tried!

Fear that there are dangers everywhere and that every stranger is going to try to kidnap me or kill me – because of that lesson we had at school that told us so.

Fear that one day I’m going to have to get a job and I don’t know what I want to be yet.

Fear that it is bad to be me most of the time because people talk about me being good like it’s a miracle and all I’m doing is just trying to get through the day without it all getting too much. Trying so hard not to make any mistakes without really remembering the rules. Seeing others break the rules. Wondering why we even have rules in the first place if people are just going to do something else or say something they don’t even really mean….

Fear. All based on previous experience and that THIS MUST be right.

Shake. Shake. Shake..

ENOUGH!

What IF we hope for the best? What IF we realise that just because something didn’t taste very nice it doesn’t mean that every single new thing that we taste isn’t going to be the most delicious thing we’ve ever tasted? A taste sensation in the mouth of which we would never have had the pleasure of tasting because our previous experience told us that new = bad? What IF we tried? What IF we put down the past as the past and learned from experiences in a positive way by doing something DIFFERENT next time? What IF we trusted that everything would work out for the best – that we have no need to worry or feel anxious because it is only an illusion of fear.

Is it not better to spend your time daydreaming that it’s wonderful? Is it not better to change the thought – because what happened in the past doesn’t actually have to happen in the future if we had less fear and more open arms to opportunity and hope? Everything IS happening as it should be. Everything WILL be okay. There are solutions. Things can be sorted out. If there is a problem – change it. Change it again learning from the change before. Free your mind and spend some time playing with the idea of what if I got all of my wishes to come true in life? That ONE DAY takes time and patience. The journey is to be enjoyed!

Shake. Shake. Shake and feel the excitement rumble through the veins and every single essence of your being.

This journey is one that NO ONE else on the planet is experiencing the same as you. You are UNIQUE – just as every single Tuesday is unique and that actually, just because the first time something went wrong happened to be on a Tuesday – doesn’t mean all Tuesdays are bad. Just because one day it feels like the end of the world; it isn’t. Not until it is… and before then – go and fucking LIVE!

OH WOW…

THIS IS LONG but worth it…. (I hope you’ll agree and there was such a gap in my blogs, for a reason and I’ll fill in the blanks, just in case anyone does read this… :D, in good time but I want to share this. My Facebook status tonight!

WOW what an evening! They had their Leavers disco tonight at the school and the school were amazed when I bought him a ticket; even his TA (who is amazing with him) told me he wouldn’t cope and he didn’t really want to go but it was important for him so he went along with it. He trusts that this is important and he got to the front door of the school, took one look and said no. he said it was too much pressure. he wanted a lucky bone, but I wasn’t sure what that meant and we don’t have any.. and I didn’t have anything to give him – but I think I should’ve just popped on one of my crystal bracelets because I think he’s just so nervous, so anxious that he can’t think and it all looks scary. and the teachers just looked at me with him, trying to convince him but they had told me that he wouldn’t cope and I didn’t think he would but i wanted him to at least try… and even getting that far was amazing!! we were at the front gate. They didn’t encourage him in.. they just smiled and I said, “I just had to try – he’s missed out on so much that I wanted him to have this” – getting emotional because it’s MASSIVELY SAD. social skills training? Mainstream haven’t the resourses but I was there and I saw the panic and it wasn’t worth it so I told him he didn’t have to do it – but at least he tried.. Off we went.
Outside the gate I reassured him it was okay – all was great because he tried and that is a start.. then out of the blue all of the kids from his class who, earlier today had wanted a photo with Jamie and his Guinea Pig and were asking me where Jamie was going.. what school is he going to? One even said he would miss him.. they all came into view shouting to Jamie – “HEY JAMIE ARE YOU COMING IN?” Jamies not sure now.. so I say – “he’s not too sure guys – it’s dark and crowded and he’s not too sure about it.” They reply not with “oh well, see ya!” but with “Come on Jamie you can come with us!” they look at me and one says, “we’ll look after him!” and I say to Jamie, “oh go on – look they want you there Jamie, go and have fun – it’ll be cool! You’ll see!” trusting me he says, “oh okay!” and off he goes in with his friends he didn’t know he had.. the head teacher came out after they had gone in. He’d gone in!!! I said I’d stay at the pub and if he needed to come out they would bring him out to me… They didn’t! He stayed until the end!! And even though he ended up standing with the teachers – because he’s not sure what to do – the boys kept coming over trying to get him to join in, to dance. But he prefered to stand with the teachers – laughing at the strange dances.. AND HE HAD FUN. I was right! AND I asked a couple of then at the end who made a point to come say goodbye to him after (because they brought him out first) – I asked them if they would come to a little party I’m holding for his birthday.. and they all said yes – they would want to come! one even said SICK… ! lol And Jamie had a great day!! Because I trusted MY instincts and I know it was something to at least TRY… High Fives to Jamie and those lovely boys who are still as much friends as they ever were but they just can’t communicate or understand Jamie… AWESOME!! I really really really hope that they do come – on september the 20th – Jamie’s 12th birthday. I’m beaming!!! NINJA MUM!

A Friend, Please?

I sob for my son,
for I know how he feels inside;
always wanting what the other kids have,
a friend to share the ride.
Silenced and withdrawn,
because of one mistake,
and he thinks it can all be made better,
with a big slice of chocolate cake.

Fill the void of loneliness,
while watching from a far,
lonely and heartbroken,
this is sure to leave a scar.
I sob for my son,
for I know just how he feels;
forced to deal with mainstream,
Happy, smiley, child that steals.

One parent.
One mistake not his,
alienated him from everyone
and took away his bliss.
THINK before you act,
THINK with LOVE and GIVE!
and while you’re at it -
why not teach your child to forgive?!

One action. One small thought,
can change a life you see.
And children need compassion,
even with no disability!

AUTISM is in your school, LEARN about it and help your child to be caring, compassionate and UNDERSTANDING… THEY can change the life of a lonely, confused, lost life – a skill that will last them a LIFETIME beyond the french, history or PE they learn.. Luckily mine now goes on to fly with butterfly wings but the scars will last a lifetime… and he now has to learn that being different is okay and not something to fear – now that he fears the other “strange” looking kids in his new school.

Tracy Shave

Daily Prompt: That’s Amore

Dear Richard Littlejohn, here’s some polish for that turd.

Originally posted on JACK MONROE::

Dear Richard Littlejohn,

I’ve read your trash non-journalism ‘comment’ piece about me in the Daily Mail this morning – not because it is a newspaper I read, but because a friend forwarded it to me.

Firstly, I have to commend you for managing to get so many facts completely wrong in a comparatively short article. But that’s your style isn’t it – never let the truth get in the way of a good smear campaign, or something like that.

So just in case you wanted to attempt to polish that turd of an article with something that resembles the truth, here’s some of them addressed:

1. I’m not single, I’m getting married in the Spring.

2. When I returned to work after maternity leave, I found it impossible to cover the irregular night shifts thirty miles from home with any form of childcare. Childminders just don’t work all night. My…

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