Someone somewhere thought of this,
the route to supermarket bliss?
“We’ll get people to help themselves,
then all we need is to stack the shelves.”
“They can scan all their items, even weigh their own fruit,
and we can start giving our till staff the boot!”
Like most little girls I liked to play shop,
If I wasn’t on till I would get in a strop.
We’re off to the shops – get a trolley to fill,
containing the excitement of getting to the till.
After shopping with child, my smile soon turns to frown,
and then at the till I feel really let down.
It starts out quite well as I unload the food,
And beep goes the scan, strangely lifting my mood.
Then it gets to the bag and it gets quite obscene,
as I find myself shouting at a bloody machine.
Cos the item IS IN THE BAG already!
but it keeps telling me no and I’m getting unsteady!
I wait, and I wait until help does arrive,
that’s one staff on 6 tills so no time to skive.
They start to press buttons and enter pass codes,
and I tell them – I’m sorry cos that item, I’ve loads.
and it weighs next to nothing so the scales get confused,
while I get the urge to punch out and get bruised.
We’re finally there – all the items are scanned,
and I realise I should’ve really asked for a hand.
This is why we pay staff, who have training you know,
because shoppers don’t need their stress levels to grow.
I’m about to pay but the till starts to pelt,
accusing me of “an unexpected item on my belt”.
By now I’m tempted to leave it all there,
cos I’ve got Jamie, whose 8, so I’m full of despair.
And then the machine really takes the piss,
smugly asking me “have you finished with this?”
“Do you need more time?” – I just shake my head,
Next time I’m shopping I’ll queue for hours instead!