My other half’s Mum passed away Friday. She was very poorly and in her eighties but I don’t think that makes it any easier. Loss is loss and grief is grief. I’ve lost lots of people I love but for Chris this is all a bit new. I am new at this too – I’m falling apart inside but trying to stay strong for the man I love but I have no instructions. I don’t know how he grieves – neither does he. I don’t know what to say, what to do, or how to take his pain away. The thing is though – I can’t take it away. He needs to feel it. He needs to go through the process of grief and I have to let him. I have to let him find his own way – not mine.
Joan is at peace. She called me Laughing Girl and all I wanted to do when I visited was to make her laugh. I stopped visiting though because I could no longer do that – so I feel guilty. I guess that is a natural part of grief. She didn’t seem to be aware of people coming and going but what if…. what if indeed. The biggest question asked in this situation. What if I’d been there? What if I’d done more? What if…. Fact is we didn’t. We make choices and we might not understand them at the time but we have to trust that we made them for a reason.
I want to take Chris’ pain away but all I can do is give him time, and be here to cry with him, hug him and help him remember the good old days. He has his brothers and his sister is coming home from Australia – so I finally get to meet his sister. His Dad will get to see his Daughter again and we’ll all be together for his Dad. To share in his pain and to prop him up with massive love cushions.
So, Joan may have passed on but she is by no means gone. We’ll remember her and you will know she was here too. Joan Pegley was here – on earth and if it wasn’t for her my life would be all the more duller for it. Thank you Joan! x