So recently I took a course run by the fabulous SUNDOWN ARTS in Southend, on Performance Poetry. I absolutely loved it! I think the year or so I have been doing stand-up comedy has really helped give me the confidence to get up on stage and perform. It was the suggestion of my partner, Chris, to start adding in my humorous verses into my comedy routine, but I do think they deserve a place of their own. So I’m starting another journey. I really enjoy sharing my poems. And I love that people get to hear them how I want them to be heard in this way.
I am rehearsing for an open mic spot I have next week and so have been recording myself so that I can learn them, work on the actual performance of the poem etc. It’s very different though. I find myself far more self conscious than I would be on stage in front of an audience. It is a great way to learn and improve though.
This one is not one that I’ll be performing BUT I do want to share. It’s by no means how it will end up. When I performed it at the workshop it was far better but this is a recording – you get the general idea, but, like I said, it’s much better live. This poem came about when someone saw me and Jamie out and about while he was having a meltdown. I give you Autism Mum:
Since starting the strange and wonderful world of swapping (where you make art, and other mail things then send them to total strangers in the post – wait then recieve lovely post in return, from different total strangers who signed up to the swap – obviously you don’t just wait for the universe to pluck people at random) I have a new found love for the postman! (we won’t be running away or anything – I love my boyfriend way more).
This morning was no exception – today he posted 3 lovely postcards from Amy in California, Susan from OshKosh, Wisconsin, and a secret was sent from Raellyn & Melissa in Kentucky (fancy chicken now..). As well as those I also received a larger envelope, again from Kentucky (mmm really want chicken now) and this was for an Art Swap I did privately (way too complicated to go into the way Swap – Bot works but there are public swaps and you can also do private ones where you choose who you swap with and you get something from the person you send to… ).
This is PURPLE ME by Christina Griffith and I absolutely love it! (I haven’t even started mine but have been inspired and know exactly what I’m going to do now).
I have a new addiction, to add to the spending one, the eating one, and the collecting addictions one… I now feel I am quite addicted to swapping and watching videos of people making art. Ok that is two. WATCHING videos of OTHER people making art (crafters porn, really… it is!) only means that I am actually DOING less art.
Perhaps I like that fact? I have mountains of things that I should be doing so perhaps this new obsession is just another way for me to be able to procrastinate. I actually cleaned up my kitchen sink the other day – who knew it was stainless steel??? I got it all shiny again! :p Now if that isn’t a cry of avoidance I don’t know what is but hey – I have a shiny sink again and I half cleaned the floor. I went round the stuff on the floor – it’s not like that is gathering dust.
If there is such a thing I think I have chronic messy disorder. I feel more at ease in a messy home… in a messy studio; until that is I am expecting company. When that happens I see every single bit of fluff, every hair and start counting the flies – and I know there is an unhealthy amount of them in the house. I start to see all the layers of dust – like a scene in a movie when they find an abandoned mansion (which will ultimately end in their doom – the sure sign of this is the amount of dust they see as they run their fingers over the mantlepiece) – we all scream, “GET OUT!!! RUN AWAY!!” and that’s probably the reaction I have when people come round here.
I do try to have a bit of a tidy – I start to sneeze, become all wheezy and get out of breath – and that’s just from digging out the hoover from the clutter under the stairs.. only to find the belt broke in 1983…
So yes I can get a little distracted and often this is just an avoidance issue… It’s hard really because as soon as I miss a deadline my brain just gives up. So annoyed and ashamed that YET AGAIN everything got delayed and left til the last-minute and we missed the deadline that its logical way of dealing with this is to just not bother at all. It’s absurd of course. Surely one day late is better than not at all??? I know that, we know that – but my brain isn’t really on board with that theory and so will busy me with other things like bleaching and scrubbing the tiles – like THAT is ever an urgent job (unless you are my Mum of course).
The other problem with swapping is that I am spending more time making art for total strangers, paying to have them sent away and I’m not doing the work I should be doing – again, a handy avoidance tactic.
Watching other people make art only makes me want to go out and buy all the stuff for that craft and do that – because I get bored VERY easily so always want to try something new. This also then feeds my addiction to spending and hoarding and being surrounded with STUFF even more. My studio is so full with stuff it will probably last me for the rest of my life because I don’t actually make anything – oh no – too busy on the computer watching other people creating and keeping up with everyone’s EVERY THOUGHT PROCESS on facebook….
So – in conclusion to these revelations what will I do differently? Perhaps go on the computer less – which could lead to more housework instead, which to be fair isn’t really a bad thing… (must get that hoover belt). Will I stop going on Facebook? Does it really matter if I don’t read the comments people make every few minutes? Will the world end if I don’t get on there and announce that I have found another grey hair? Will people really miss the photographs of the art that I do or have nervous breakdowns because I didn’t share some random petition to save the earwig from extinction..? NO. I don’t really want to get old and listing all those things I said I would do but never really had the time.. I DO have the time – I just seem to waste it all on Facebook!
The trick will be that I don’t get distracted and decorate a room instead – (oh yes I have done this one… whole room makeover in 38 hours).
So with that I am going to get off of this contraption, take myself to McDonalds and I’m going to write some jokes for my gig – which is TONIGHT! – right after I just check facebook and tell everyone that this blog post is here…. 😀
I find it hard to think of what it would be like to have lost Jamie when he was born and read stories on facebook from women who have been through just that. I can’t even imagine the pain that they have gone through. I made these booties because I thought that it might be something I would like if I had gone through this.. I wasn’t sure if people would like them or hate them.. so did nothing with them.. Then one of my friends on facebook wrote openly about it being 10 years since her little angel had passed – having only been on this earth for 8weeks.
I messaged her a few days after – asking what she thought of them and she absolutely loved them.. so I sent her one from me as a gift.
“Tracy its a perfect tribute to my Angel. Thank you so much for your kind gesture its really is beautiful ♥ xxx It fills me with joy that there are people out there with beautiful hearts like you xxx”
I would like to make these and sell them to raise money for the charity Bliss – for babies born too soon, too small, too sick. http://www.bliss.org.uk/?gclid=CKSawNT5m7ICFc93fAodoVUAIA – If you would like one let me know. They are £10 each. Pink or blue ribbon with the option of a scroll with their name and date etc. x